i dont know where else to write this thing besides in a diary, which i dont have
lately ii've been having a doubt in painting: my ability and my future in painting.
i had a thought that i didn't want to be an artist, giving up painting and pursue something else for a carreer.
but i just now realize how much i love it, and hate it at the same time
i cannot describe in words how the feeling when i get a really clear idea for painting, all i can say it makes me wanna jump, wanna run, wanna scream, wanna laugh, wanna hug a stranger, it brightens my day in a second.
painting also makes me feel peaceful, i dont know how, it also keeps my mouth quiet which i feel good about (i admit i sometimes feel annoyed when i talk a lot) . It makes me feel content.
but on the other hand i feel painting is a torture, i'm not exxagerating, it's true.the process of discovering things while i'm painting is painful, i sometimes think i will go crazy someday. Maybe it's the reason why i dont paint that much, i'm afraid to go through that painful feeling again, it's scary. it's overwhelming.